Do what you can’t

“Change jobs…nah, you can’t do that right now. You have to think about your family.”

“Buy a house? Bad idea…you can’t do that with everything else you have going on.”

 “Move out of state…no good, you can’t do that. It will ruin things and with what money?”

We have heard it all too often- YOU CAN’T. Bah humbug. Or perhaps you have talked yourself out of something because you internalized the word “can’t.” Hey, tell that dude to get out of your head because you can.

Lately, my youngest son tends to tell me “I can’t mommy” to the point where it’s driving me crazy. Before even making an attempt, he has given up…um no. My normal response- after somewhat yelling – has been “But did you try?”

The face then changes and the attempt is made to give it a whirl. Giving up without trying is not allowed – even with raising our kids. From putting on pajamas and socks to reading and writing, we…try, try, try.

Think about the times you decided to give up without even trying because you thought you couldn’t or someone told you, you can’t. What was your next move? Were you OK with not doing it? Probably not.

When someone says, “you can’t” here’s an alternate perspective- and I guess an acronym- that I made up and attempting to abide by (on these big goals of mine) when others don’t believe it can happen:

C– First, Collecting thoughts to make what “can’t” . . .  actually happen puts me in a good frame of mind. Take a moment, put everything to pen and paper – or on your computer- and roll with it.

A– Finding the Answers by researching and knowing the ins-and-outs so the plan is successful. Honestly, this helps me stay on top of my game and shows others just how wrong they were in the first place #flipshair

N -Procrastination is not an option; get moving Now. If you’re going to make it happen, then make it happen. No play, play because you’re serious… right? I thought so :o) #getgoingalready

T– We tend to think it’s not our time or we’re told the time isn’t right. Timeliness is determined by you when it comes to what you want to do. . . and we should always make time for what we want to do.

People will continue to tell you all the things that you can’t do and that’s OK. But guess what? Nine times out of ten, I think they’re probably saying it out of their own fear, failure, and doubt in you. Keep pushing for what you want.

Do what you can’t.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain . . .

Sun Taylor

 

 

 

 

In your headspace

 

After coming home from running errands, you walk into the house and there’s the kitchen: dishes in the sink, pots and pans on the stove, kids still in pajamas. In your head you think, “I can’t believe this; it’s been three hours since I left and this place still looks like this?”

You’re getting ready for bed and start to wind down for the evening. Just as you’re about to lay back and relax, your significant other wants to run down a list of things that need to get done TOMORROW. You sit back thinking, “Really? We’re talking about this now?”

And last, you get a cryptic text message you can’t decipher and your brain freezes. Your immediate thought: “Is it me or does this sound a little off.” But you proceed to try and understand and then it goes south very quickly. Now, it’s a text message war.

Welcome to life and how we ALL have various headspaces. These are scenarios I’ve encountered (or put my dear husband through) as I continue to learn and define headspace. More on that later.

A couple of months back when I started this blog and up until recent conversations with dear friends (shout out to L. Daley and T. Conley- Ziyad!), we talked about our own headspace and the headspace of others.

We all have ideas as to how we think things should be and how others should think; but does that ever really work out? Nope.

Now, my definition of headspace – a frame of mind and how you individually think about things based upon your experiences. And because we all have different experiences, understanding headspace is accepting our differences.  

Back to those scenarios in the beginning.

Lesson one with kitchen mission: Cleaning and attempting to be organized is my thing. And even more now with keeping up three kids. But that’s me. Not everyone is in this same headspace and I’m learning to be fine with it.

Lesson two with to-do lists: Everyone does things on their time with a certain priority. Putting an immediate time stamp may not be the best way to go about it. Back up wifey (and hubby); you don’t live in the same headspace as your spouse. Figure out a way to compromise.

Lesson three with texting:  I am still working on this. I can’t even begin to tell you where my headspace is when it comes to this at times. But I can say that picking up the phone when you can’t decipher the message can get you in the right headspace.

So get your mind right and remember: headspace is not about being right or someone else being wrong; it’s about understanding the differences in our head.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain . . .

Sun Taylor

Purposeful living…in stilettos

As I get older, there are things I must understand.  Not everyone is going to like me. Nothing is perfect- not a job, not a friendship, not a house, not a spouse.  Nothing lasts forever- not possessions, not happiness, not life, nothing. Live on purpose and be intentional about your purpose in life. Pursue what you’re passionate about.

It was in 2010, while working for the state of Georgia, when I realized my purpose.  I worked in the most unprofessional, unproductive, and unethical environment ever; to say the least.  I almost felt as if I needed to lower my standards and compromise who I am in order to fit in. Learn the latest rap songs, come to work in my weekend attire, wear gym shoes, wait until I get to work to finish my hair, elect not to answer questions until I finish talking on the phone about the club and boyfriend problems, bash other women who looked great and was in leadership roles- you get the picture.

I was mentally and emotionally drained daily trying to figure out how can adult women, in a professional environment, conduct themselves like they are in a work release program. I was miserable, depressed, unproductive, and embarrassed by the place I called work and the people I called coworkers.

During this time, I was working on my PhD in Public Policy and Administration. I had only two classes to finish when God revealed my purpose- Leadership, Organizational and Professional Development. I made the decision to put my PhD on hold and obtain a second masters in Leadership and Organizational Development- crazy right? NO! God will cause discomfort in order for us to pursue his purpose for us.

I knew then that I wanted to start a Leadership and Professional Development Institute. I do believe in the saying, if people knew better, then they would do better. Sometimes we just need a road map and someone to show us the way without tearing us down in the process.

Leading in Stilettos, calls on women to practice purpose in all aspects of their lives and provides tools to show you how to do it with grace and elegance.  Leading in Stilettos also provides guidance on how to present a positive professional image in the workplace. This is my God driven purpose and I had to learn this through an non-conducive environment – and I’m thankful it happened this way.

That experience in 2010 taught me the importance of showing dignity, grace, and elegance no matter the circumstance. It truly defines what I always strive to represent and hope the women of Leading in Stilettos exemplify.  One thin g is certain – you are your brand so represent yourself well!

XOXO,
Natasha
IG @leadinginstilettos

 

Get in formation

“I see it, I want it, I stunt, yellow bone it,
“I dream it, I work hard, I grind ’til I own it.”
~Beyonce – Formation

Guess what? Change is looking you right in the eye. Why? Because it is time to get what you want, how you want, and when you want- no darn excuses.

It’s 2017, the year I turn 40 (and several of my friends too if they haven’t already). When 40 is on the horizon, things just change and I’m ready for a transformation.

With that being said, on Wednesday we decided to help ourselves and others start to transform into what they would like to become. The details on this 14 day transformation challenge are here…so get it going.

During the 14 days, we’re providing great tips and daily challenges from spirituality and inspiration, hair and beauty, health and wellness, finance, fun, and business.

The team:

  • LaWanda (@momsdestiny) – The beauty and brains behind this formation; she’s always on point and knows her stuff like no other.
  • Donita (@donitalynnette1) – If you are looking for some relaxation, call this natural beauty. She has great oils to make you feel like you can take on anything.
  • Zerline (@zerlinehughes) – She has a beautiful smile and spirit to match. Oh, and she teaches kick butt Zumba classes and will bring that Cali sunshine your way.
  • Felisha (@fefeinc) – As her IG page describes, she “build brands, businesses, people, and movements.” Please come correct. She’s the real deal.
  • Adrin (@sevenandcompany) – We call him Seven. He is no joke when it comes to hair and beauty. We all need a lucky number Seven in our life. Get one.
  • Tiffanie (@agoaldigger) – She is lovely and “vibrates to a different frequency”… and everyone loves her. She’s also “a good book to read ” and will keep you inspired.
  • Janice (@fitbudgetma) – This one right here…if only I could borrow her body every summer. She is always fit and fly, knows finances, and can thrift shop like no other.

And finally, me. You all know my story and I’ll be providing tips on f-u-n and experience. Girls just wanna have fun…right?

So what does this transformation really means? It’s not about where you are, but where you plan to go. This past year was tough and I needed a new beginning when the clock struck midnight on January 1. I truly believe everything happens for a reason -and this was when I realized I needed a change; otherwise , where would I be?

Join us and remember: the transformation comes after you get in formation.

Because the sun always come out after the rain…

Sun Taylor

 

Imagine that

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” ~Nelson Mandela

Are you living the life you imagined?  Maybe, maybe not. Imagining the life and living that life are two separate things. We all have dreams and aspirations as to what we would LIKE… and then there’s reality.

My current reality – I’m home with two of my kids, working on getting more clients, attempting to help my husband with our barber shop, and running the household on practically coffee fumes. Period.

My imaginative life – A kick butt PR consultant, working at home with good paying clients which afford me the opportunity to travel every once in a while (nationally and internationally), and do what I want financially; I’d also like to still be with my family whenever: like making those mid-day school performances and having lunch with my husband on a Wednesday, on my own time. I am not asking for much, right? LOL

This is where imagination has to take over reality if I want to fulfill what I believe God intended for me. But how do you do it? One day at a time. In order to really get this done, here are some of my thoughts on getting to the imaginative:

  1. Baby Steps
    We have all heard it, but do we do it? I see my daughter taking baby steps every day and she just keeps going. We have to continue to put one foot in front of other if we’re going to live what we imagined.
  2. Get Back Up
    Yes, “we fall down, but we get up (in my Donnie McClurkin voice). If it’s in your imagination, no one said it was going to be easy. Get your “arse” back up please. No excuses. Everyone has fallen, but the one’s that get back up. . . they live the life.
  3. The Squad
    I can’t stress this enough. My squad is supreme. When I feel like I’m off course, I have to call them. But not just the cheerleaders, the one’s that also tell me my “ish” stinks and I need to get it together. . . now.
  4. Ummm…No
    I recently talked about “no” and have learned a lot about this while being home. “No” it just might not happen today, or “no” I have to pass on that. The “no” gets me to what is really important; like focusing on the “yes” and moving closer to what I imagine for myself. 
  5. Being Honest
    As the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy.” Are you honest with yourself and what you’re truly capable of? I battle this constantly with self doubt. We are capable of so much more, but we stop at what’s easy. If it’s easy, it’s not imaginative.

Doing what is required is basic. But doing what’s required and then some, is when the life we imagined comes to fruition. Don’t settle for what you think you can do; go for what you think you can’t.

Imagine that.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor

 

 

A “moment”

Need a moment, grab a Twix. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

We all go through trying times, situations, and “interesting” people that call for a breather. From our spouses and kids to family and friends,  sometimes a #%& moment is required.

Most of my moments come with my kiddos – that’s two toddlers and one kindergartner – but I have learned to adapt… and red wine helps (wink).

So what do you do when you need a moment? Walk away, smile, or throw something – lol. Well, I had a lot of moments this week  with all types of ish calling for a Twix.

because-i-said-soOne of your toddlers keeps asking “why?”
This called for a moment of breathing in and out and I’m still dealing with it. I had to remember he’s only 3 years old and learning everything, thus the “why” all the time. If you are a stay at home mom, please take moments as much as you need. I usually retreat to my room BY myself and do nothing for as long as I can.

frackle-nackle

A client reaches out; “frackle-nackle-bull”
After working on a proposal for an entire day, you realize you have to walk away from the project. It was somewhat shady from the start and I should have realized…damnnn Gina! I had to refocus and get back on top of my game. This was when my moment called for a jumbo Twix. Nom, nom, nom.

what-you-talkin-bout-willis-quote-1When you’re told you’re selfish . . . hmm
This about sent me over the top. But I didn’t respond with words. I calmed my boiling skin and had the look of  Arnold. Sometimes you have to keep it moving; if people don’t literally walk in your shoes, they will never understand you. This moment called for a”drank.” Cheers, two times. Buh Bye!

laundry

“Overloaded” with laundry and everything else
Laundry piling up makes me “feel some type a way.” This weekend, I just did it all as opposed to waiting on the laundry fairy. This was a defining moment: clean laundry brought the clarity I needed and took the overloaded feeling away.

At the end of the day, we all need moments to be with ourselves and/or by ourselves. Take all the moments you need throughout the day to get through the day. Sun Taylor’s orders :o)

And as I put my shades back on and ride into the sunset, please know that my alone time a.k.a moment is sometimes for your safety.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain…

Sun Taylor

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our First . . . MLRO

Beauty. Style. Grace. Michelle Obama. Need I say more.

She was the first and will probably be the last of what the First Lady should truly encompass as the woman who stands not behind, nor in front, but beside a great man. Never perturbed by what others thought she “should” look or act like, and for that matter, what her kids should act like, she belonged to herself, being herself.

And that’s exactly what made this nation so proud to call her FLOTUS. From her candor as, first and foremost, “mom-in-chief” to being married to our president, who ain’t bad either,  we fell in love with her – quickly and deeply.

She was like our aunt, sister, or friend stepping out on stage in 2008 and 2012; an instant connection because of her humility – and she was headed to the White House. The same house, built by slaves, which she unequivocally brought to our attention during her speech at the DNC, speaking her truth. Yes ma’am this was our First Lady, my First Lady.

There were so many firsts but the first that will forever go down in history; she was our first black First Lady. Just stop right there and take it in. FIRST.

In my excitement as we came to know her, I wrote an ode about Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama when her husband was the Democratic presidential candidate. I rummaged through my 44th presidential paraphernalia this week and found it. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

While I would never bore you with the entire poem, here are a couple stanzas (I know a little something about poetry) that speak to how proud I am to have called her the First Lady.

_________

You, a black woman, strong, courageous, elegant, determined
led the way like so many other black women – Harriet, Ida, and Madame C.J.

You, a black woman, like me, married an educated and dedicated man
who values family & fellowship and are true to their word as men

You, a black woman, with two beautiful black children, whom you hold
near and dear to your heart and cherish with your touch, defines the meaning of family

You a black woman, gave your husband a front-fist pound (on national TV )
which spoke pride to all black men, women, and children

You, a black woman, wore a White House Black Market dress
and will soon occupy the White House, the most prominent address in our nation

You, a black woman, often imitated, but never duplicated
will be the First Lady of this country

You, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama
I thank you for being a black woman

_________

I can’t begin to tell you how much she has influenced me and so many other women I imagine. It’s tough seeing her leave the White House, that great man we called our president, and those two girls who have become women before our very own eyes. And let’s not forget momma Robinson who came along too :o).

We all should be thankful we experienced this in our lifetime. As Dr. Seuss says
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor

2016 Face Off

Let’s face it: 2016 was a humdinger. There were several life altering events that taught me a lot about myself. Luckily, my tribe held me up very high because there were moments when I wanted to give up and give in.

From a job not being what I anticipated, restarting my business, going in for emergency gall bladder surgery, etc., etc. –  I had not planned for several “lessons” in 2016.

And then there was the craziness with African American males and injustice, bombings, the election (don’t get me started) and then we lost several icons, even as the year is ending. Huhhh.

The best way I made it through – with my face. When you “fix your face,” it gets your mind right. I’m sure my kids agree.

So . . . here are my 2016 faces with the lessons attached:

January – It may be cold outside, but no need to show a mean face in spite of how others may be treating you. Continue to smile – it makes people nervous and it will warm you from within.

February – Yes, it’s the month of love. Show your kissy face because everyone loves to be kissed. It also helps with wrinkles and shows off that beautiful red lipstick you like. Blow them a kiss and sashay away.

March/April – Spring has sprung.  Get out of your funk and smell the darn roses. Put on your enthusiastic face and cute shades – but show no shade. They’re not worth it and you’ll be ai-ight!

May – Have the look of “MAY I help you?” It’s the season of weddings, graduations, and whatever else. Everyone needs help – so grit and grin. It not worth the argument because you’ve already won by keeping your cool. Keep it movin’.

June – Summer is getting ready to start. You should have a big smile. And give someone a hug for that matter. The summer is too short and hot- don’t “sweat” the small stuff boo. Get your sunblock and enjoy what’s in front of you.

July/August – It’s hotter than. . .and school will start soon for the kids. Wait, did you say kids and school? Yes! Smile BIG time. You will soon get your time back; well maybe not. (confused face).

September – The summer is ending and fall is beginning. It’s a change in seasons and worth a reflective look on how you have changed thus far. Be encouraged and show a face of gratitude. Seasons are a good thing.

October – Refer to January. It may be getting cold again but stay warm by smiling no matter what the odds look like. Have the faith and determination and show it through your actions. You got this.

November/December – The end of 2016 is coming. Be grateful for all the blessings this year – because it could have been worse. Lift your face, say “thank you,” and then close you eyes and pray for an even better 2017.

This was my year and I remain thankful for the faces and lessons. Be happy with where you have come from, where you are at, where you are going, and put on your face accordingly.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain…

Sun Taylor

Happy New Year!

 

 

Um No…but Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas! It’s the season of getting cranked up for that special day attending this party and that one and buying gifts galore. Sure.

Well, this year there are a couple of things I decided NOT do. It’s really more so to keep my cool and not stress over the minutia.  I’ve learned so many lessons along the way when it comes to celebrating Christmas – and most important, honoring the birth of Jesus.

However, commercialism has geared us away from what should be the true focus “of the most wonderful time of the year.” Like family, good friends, and being thankful you made it to another Christmas because a lot of people didn’t.

With that being said, here is my top five list of  “um no ” not this Christmas – with three days left to spare:

  1. Going overboard with baby’s first Christmas. – I love my new little one and she’s my only girl. But . . . there is no need to go crazy on gifts and more gifts. Do you remember your very first Christmas? Exactly. However, I will get several pictures – and honestly it’s going to be about loving on her that morning.
  2. Buying toys and more toys for the boys – As you all know, I also have two boys who have taken over practically every room in this house with toys. And then the big toys- why? I don’t need to see the toy before I walk into the room. Their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins have this covered anyway. I’ll move out the old to replace the new – Goodwill here I come.
  3. Christmas cards going to Terry, Sherry, and Kerry – I can recall sending Christmas cards to all my wedding guests post our nuptials years back. Just kidding. My point: instead of sending and signing all those cards (Where is my hubby?), New Year’s cards will go out to the nearest and dearest. For the others, smile, you know I luv you.
  4. Mass text messages to a gazillion people on Christmas Day – I was guilty of this in my former life, ain’t gonna lie. It gets messy because most reply ALL. Well “message rates apply.” Like when my aunt Bea responds seven times because she doesn’t know how to use her phone. I have a couple of those in my life #lmbo.
  5. Eating everything in sight because it’s the holidays – Really? This means I’ll have to be carried away from the table. And all my hard work for the last couple of months goes down the toilet – literally. LOL. I will eat but within reason. Being healthy is a lifestyle and takes commitment; I’ve learned this the hard way.

This is one of the best times of the year as people come together to help each another. If you took away the gifts and all the other nonessential buzz of Christmas, would it still be Christmas? “Um yessss!” Merry Christmas.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor

Giving up to gain more

Sacrifice: something given up or lost <the sacrifices made by parents> – this is one definition Merriam Webster provided – how fitting for today.

You have kids and your world immediately gets smaller and there’s bigger – why you say? Because of  S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E.

One of the best things about being a parent is watching your kids grow knowing you helped mold them. From the way they talk and think to how they see the world – this is a reflection of your very own footprint. Nothing is more special.

And the numerous sacrifices we make in hopes of them having better lives. But what happens when the sacrifice is not what you want and you have to check yourself- quick? This was me earlier in the week.

First, let me start by saying I would go to the moon and back for my kids- and I’m certain I have. The fact that most days I’m sleep deprived is a sacrifice in itself. Picking this one up and that one, doing this project and that homework assignment, this activity and that party, etc., etc. – and then being sane for myself. Did I mention red wine is my favorite? THIS IS WHY.

But back to this week – we decided (me begrudgingly at first) that we’re going to keep our youngest son home for now, who will then start Pre-K in the fall. Welcome to Taylor Preschool and Daycare.

So the woman who has gone from working and being about her career will now be home with two kids? Clutch the pearls…WHAT? Yes, that means right after Christmas, I’ll have a 10 month old and a 3 going on 4 year-old at Casa de Taylor. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

At first, I went through several emotions in a matter of 24 hours. From “no, I am not prepared to have TWO home,” to ” I have things I want to do,” and “why, why, why??” And then the guilty mom kicked in because I felt bad for feeling this way. I quickly had to check myself  because guess what? Parenting is sacrifice – over and over again – it’s not about you.

Women and men do it everyday and I had to come to grips and realize the importance of being home. I thought about all the women and men who would love to be home with their children (including my mom who wanted to be home with me) or women who are unable to have children. I was being blessed. This was about the significance of being the best parent I can be in this moment and on this next journey.

So back to sacrifice: something given up or lost . If I have to give up whatever to gain more with my kids, it’s worth it.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor