Hold a Kate Spade

With the recent death of Kate Spade, I felt compelled to re-post this about dealing with mental health. I was so saddened to hear that she ended her life – and for what reasons we’ll never really know.

The first thing that came to mind: did she ever seek professional help? Were there any signs? Could someone have helped her in time?

Mental health with women is real. We face the challenges of managing our households and careers and anything else that falls in between–and it’s a beast. While we’ll continue to hold a Kate Spade–no more “holding.”

________________________

Breathe. You have a lot going on and decide to buckle down, not think about what’s really happening (mentally) and hold it together. Umm no. If you need help, ask – and I don’t just mean from family and friends.

Too many people live in a dark place when they need help. They don’t ask for it in fear of what others will say or simply because of pride. We reject the idea of a therapist, marriage counseling, life coach or whatever a licensed professional can offer.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. And for people that look like me – mental health tends to be overlooked. Instead, we are told to “pray about it” and carry on. I do agree that praying is important but we also need to be wise when we know something needs to be adjusted.

African Americans are 20% more likely to report having serious psychological distress than non-Hispanic Whites, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Minority Services. Yet young adult African Americans, especially those with higher levels of education, are less likely to seek mental health services than their White counterparts, according to a study published by the American Psychological Association (Ebony Magazine).

We don’t have to hold ourselves together all the time. That’s called being normal. And if it gets to a point where it’s too much, I can not stress enough, please seek professional help. You will thank yourself later #noholding.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain.

Sun Taylor

Photo Credit: Warmly Whit

Advertisements

Imagine that

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” ~Nelson Mandela

Are you living the life you imagined?  Maybe, maybe not. Imagining the life and living that life are two separate things. We all have dreams and aspirations as to what we would LIKE… and then there’s reality.

My current reality – I’m home with two of my kids, working on getting more clients, attempting to help my husband with our barber shop, and running the household on practically coffee fumes. Period.

My imaginative life – A kick butt PR consultant, working at home with good paying clients which afford me the opportunity to travel every once in a while (nationally and internationally), and do what I want financially; I’d also like to still be with my family whenever: like making those mid-day school performances and having lunch with my husband on a Wednesday, on my own time. I am not asking for much, right? LOL

This is where imagination has to take over reality if I want to fulfill what I believe God intended for me. But how do you do it? One day at a time. In order to really get this done, here are some of my thoughts on getting to the imaginative:

  1. Baby Steps
    We have all heard it, but do we do it? I see my daughter taking baby steps every day and she just keeps going. We have to continue to put one foot in front of other if we’re going to live what we imagined.
  2. Get Back Up
    Yes, “we fall down, but we get up (in my Donnie McClurkin voice). If it’s in your imagination, no one said it was going to be easy. Get your “arse” back up please. No excuses. Everyone has fallen, but the one’s that get back up. . . they live the life.
  3. The Squad
    I can’t stress this enough. My squad is supreme. When I feel like I’m off course, I have to call them. But not just the cheerleaders, the one’s that also tell me my “ish” stinks and I need to get it together. . . now.
  4. Ummm…No
    I recently talked about “no” and have learned a lot about this while being home. “No” it just might not happen today, or “no” I have to pass on that. The “no” gets me to what is really important; like focusing on the “yes” and moving closer to what I imagine for myself. 
  5. Being Honest
    As the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy.” Are you honest with yourself and what you’re truly capable of? I battle this constantly with self doubt. We are capable of so much more, but we stop at what’s easy. If it’s easy, it’s not imaginative.

Doing what is required is basic. But doing what’s required and then some, is when the life we imagined comes to fruition. Don’t settle for what you think you can do; go for what you think you can’t.

Imagine that.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor

 

 

Giving up to gain more

Sacrifice: something given up or lost <the sacrifices made by parents> – this is one definition Merriam Webster provided – how fitting for today.

You have kids and your world immediately gets smaller and there’s bigger – why you say? Because of  S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E.

One of the best things about being a parent is watching your kids grow knowing you helped mold them. From the way they talk and think to how they see the world – this is a reflection of your very own footprint. Nothing is more special.

And the numerous sacrifices we make in hopes of them having better lives. But what happens when the sacrifice is not what you want and you have to check yourself- quick? This was me earlier in the week.

First, let me start by saying I would go to the moon and back for my kids- and I’m certain I have. The fact that most days I’m sleep deprived is a sacrifice in itself. Picking this one up and that one, doing this project and that homework assignment, this activity and that party, etc., etc. – and then being sane for myself. Did I mention red wine is my favorite? THIS IS WHY.

But back to this week – we decided (me begrudgingly at first) that we’re going to keep our youngest son home for now, who will then start Pre-K in the fall. Welcome to Taylor Preschool and Daycare.

So the woman who has gone from working and being about her career will now be home with two kids? Clutch the pearls…WHAT? Yes, that means right after Christmas, I’ll have a 10 month old and a 3 going on 4 year-old at Casa de Taylor. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

At first, I went through several emotions in a matter of 24 hours. From “no, I am not prepared to have TWO home,” to ” I have things I want to do,” and “why, why, why??” And then the guilty mom kicked in because I felt bad for feeling this way. I quickly had to check myself  because guess what? Parenting is sacrifice – over and over again – it’s not about you.

Women and men do it everyday and I had to come to grips and realize the importance of being home. I thought about all the women and men who would love to be home with their children (including my mom who wanted to be home with me) or women who are unable to have children. I was being blessed. This was about the significance of being the best parent I can be in this moment and on this next journey.

So back to sacrifice: something given up or lost . If I have to give up whatever to gain more with my kids, it’s worth it.

Because the sun always comes out after the rain. . .

Sun Taylor